In my last blog, I mentioned "full-time husband". I thought I'd go back and define what I meant. On my bad days, I choose to tell Chay he's a "part-time dad" and on my good days, I prefer "full-time husband". I don't mean to disrespect Chay by the titles I give him but realize that from his perspective, it is offensive. (And as I'm writing this, if I were in his shoes, I'd agree.)
It's difficult for us to truly appreciate each other unless we are to swap shoes. I love Chay dearly and know that I have found my match in every way. But it doesn't mean I don't have grievances or my version of grievances with our current situation. This is just how I've chosen to deal with my daily stresses and frustrations.
Being a parent is HARD. I'm fortunate that I have someone to share in the joys and responsibilities. I think that's partly it; Chay gets the joys and I get the responsibilities. I get joys too, but I often am resentful that I'm the one here 24-7. There's a not a squabble that goes by that he doesn't wish I go to work every day and he stays home. But even then, I somehow know I'd still have similar stresses with a full day's work added on top. Am I being too negative here?
I DO appreciate that Chay's working and traveling thousands of miles so that I can stay home with our girls. I get to wake up every morning to smiling faces and cheers of a bright new day. Chay doesn't get this greeting every morning. My daily reward are the zillion hugs & giggles & kisses! But some days, I want a reward from Chay. And I was so happy when I got a little piece of paradise this weekend as he took "FT Husband" responsibilities and I was off until 10.
I know it's appreciation and recognition that I want. The work I do as a stay-at-home-mom. For all SAHMs, why don't we win awards for all we do? It's been quite a transition from career woman to mother to stay-at-home-mom to SAHM w/ traveling spouse. And I know I'm not alone as I've met many women who wear the same shoes as me.
And yes, there are many saying, "What about all the work I do as a "Go-to-work-and-support-my-family Dad"? Yes, well that's your blog to write. :)
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I hear you. I feel the same in many ways except Neal is here. Maybe we'd feel different if our job came with benefits: vacations, lunch breaks, reviews w/ recognition etc. Maybe our husbands would feel different if they lived at their job and had to scrub the toilets at the end of the day. Not to say that they come home and are "off the clock". Neal does a LOT around here. I look forward to you and Chay really being able to share in family duties again.
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